1-14pm
For me it was a really amusing experience and so I’m wanting to blog about it and one day bring it up on air as well. It’s about Mike speaking to someone about a few marriage struggles they were having. I don’t know who the guy is – no idea of his first name or his last name or his wife’s name or anything. I just know the conversation took place! His complaint was that he just didn’t know what was going on with his wife. One day she was one way, the next day she was another. Living with her was like a roller coaster. He couldn’t do anything right. It was becoming really difficult and he didn’t know what to do. Mike asked how old she was. “46,” he replied. “Ah,” said Mike, knowingly, “I think I know what the problem could be.” Now Mike is not trained in anything medical, but he has been married to me for more than a quarter of a century. In recent years he has received enough poor excuses for my bad behaviour – I would fly off the handle, erratic and completely out of character and then I would suddenly stop and realise what I was doing. Overwhelmed with remorse, I would apologise profusely and say, “I must be very hormonal! These are hormones talking.” So gentlemen in their 40s/50s who are married to ladies in their 40s/50s, here is lesson number one of today’s unexpected blog:
1. When women’s oestrogen levels start falling, so does their mood & behaviour. Grumpy, ratty, depressed, tired are all words that come to mind. They don’t want to be like this, but physically, pre-menopause & then menopause is absolutely going to start changing their moods. Like teen girls go through puberty, women in their 40s go through menopause. The resemblance in mood swings is too similar to want to dwell on!
2. Expect meltdowns. As Mike continued his conversation with this man (who turned out to be an avid Rise and Shine listener – let that sink in for a moment), he was stunned that Helga van Niekerk could actually be anything 
other than upbeat, bubbly, outgoing & totally inspirational 24/7! ROFL comes to mind! Let me say, at this point, that one of the things I really strive for is to be authentic and transparent, so what you hear on air, is what you meet in real life, BUT, I am human and while some of my closest family and friends won’t even know that I’m struggling with issues, my husband will! With Mike, I can let it all hang out! And that’s right. Guys, that’s what you are there for and when you are dealing with issues, that’s what we are here for!
3. Suggest help. As the conversation progressed and it became clear that this could really be a hormonal issue, Mike suggested the man take his wife to the doctor and have a menopause screen. Get advice from the doctor about how to progress. Menopausal women don’t need to be miserable. There’s a number of very effective medical & natural options that do not include anti-depressants. Spend some time researching treatment and the symptoms of menopause, so that you are informed.
4. Patience and compassion. The man told Mike he would tell his wife off about her behaviour. “That’s not a good idea! That’s not what they are wanting or needing to hear!” said Mike wisely! Don’t moan or criticize your wife, even if it does appear that she is unreasonable. If you haven’t learnt that lesson yet, check this out on You Tube…
Mike has put up with my hormone related moods and ups and downs so much, that I can’t help love him far more than I have ever done. He is so patient and so supportive, that I just want to be patient and supportive back.
Husbands are there to serve their wives and wives are there to serve their husbands. If we are both determined to serve and meet the needs of each other, you will be amazed at what a happy home will result. If you start being nice to your wife, kind, considerate, understanding, she will wonder what is going on! Keep it up and she will start giving back to you, what you are giving to her.
And if you need any more motivation, it can be found in the words of Paul: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Eph 5:21). We honour God when we submit to one another.
That gives you some food for thought! I hope it has helped!
God bless you loads!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂
PS. From the parenting discussion this morning with Hettie Brittz, the websites are www.evergreenparenting.co.za and www.talltreestraining.com
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