I always liked the saying “Opposites Attract”. Mike & I could not be more opposite if we tried. Here’s a list of some of our opposites:
- He’s quiet, I’m outgoing;
- He’s a natural leader, I’m a follower unless instructed otherwise!
- He’s musical; Me? Tone deaf!
- He’s a night person; I’m a morning person.
- He’s computerized to the very core of his megabyte; Me: a megabyte? What’s that?
- He loves science fiction; Give me a romantic comedy.
- He’s naturally fit and athletic; I’m having to work at my fitness all the time.
- He loves order; I can live with a bit of clutter.
- He likes cold toast; Not me! Give it to me piping hot with the butter melted.
- He is the “realist” in the home; I’m an eternal optimist.
- He likes breakfast served on a hot plate – I really am not phased.
- He wants to stay at home – I want to go out and socialise.
- He wants to holiday close by – I want to travel the world.
- He’s forward thinking – I’m “spur of the moment “.
- He’s a type A personality – I’m chilled.
- He gets irritated by red traffic lights – for me they are an opportunity to enjoy the scenery!
How will our marriage every survive?
Over the years we have blended our personalities so I’m delighted to say that now we have quite a lot of similarities. We share the same faith, money sense, raising children techniques; we both like hot milk in our coffee and I even like warm plates when we eat. I’ve come around to his way of thinking when it comes to order. He’s lowered his standard and I’ve raised mine. We fit well, but it took work.
And that’s the key. We are happy to finding a middle course and work on our weaknesses. I even watched Star Wars Episode 3 AND the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! My whole family owes me BIG TIME for those two excursions. For me they were less than exciting, but to be with the family, it was worth it. And when the conversation returned (over & over again) to the movie, at least I knew what they were talking about. As Yoda may say, all about compromise, it is.
Mike has watched Pride & Prejudice dozens and dozens of times with me. 🙂
There have been times when Mike’s lack of optimism has driven me loopy. One day I mentioned to him that ongoing negativism was like a poison that penetrated my entire attitude. He has worked hard on being more positive and these days, I can hardly put pessimist next to his name.
So what exactly does COMPROMISE mean? I scratched through a thesaurus and found several good terms of compromise to apply to your marriage. If you’re as different as chalk and cheese try applying some of these verbs to your communication:
- FIND A MIDDLE COURSE
- TRADE OFF
- NEGOTIATE
- GRANT CONCESSIONS
- GIVE AND TAKE
- BARGAIN
- RECONCILE
- UNDERSTAND
- MEET HALFWAY
- FIND A HAPPY MEDIUM
- STRIKE A BALANCE
- BLEND
- BE SATISFIED
- SACRIFICE
- APPRECIATE
- ACCEPTANCE
Ask yourself how important it really is to get your own way.
Be prepared to “sleep on “ a long-term decision. Often when you put it on the back-burner for a while, a compromise is reached and one that suits both of you.
That’s what we have found. In the end, truth be told, I want Mike to be happy. His happiness is my greatest goal. And, my happiness is his greatest goal. By God’s grace, with both of us working towards making the other happy, we have overcome that long list of differences and accumulated 29 years of happy marriage.
It can be done.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves..
Keep the smile going.
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx
