Living in fear. We live our lives on a fear spectrum. On one side are those (probably not many) who are free from fear (that’s where I want to be). On the other side of the spectrum are those who live a painful life of daily terror. They are petrified, anxious, nervous wrecks who survive on medication to calm them. They live with constant ‘what ifs’ coursing through their minds, driving them into painful states of extreme anxiety. And then in the middle of the spectrum there are a multitude of people who are partially fearful. I’m in that camp. I live my life trusting God and knowing that He is with me, but I have some fear that despite God’s presence in my life, there may be pain and suffering. I’m afraid of what that looks like. It could be simply a sore tummy or achilles injury; it could be the death of someone close to me.
I was deeply impacted this last week by the testimony of Gail Wingreen. The reason I was so touched was because I identified so much with how Gail used to be. Gail is a couple of years older than me. She came to know the Lord in her early teens (as I did) and sought to serve and trust God throughout her teen years and into her early 20s. Wanting to do everything right, she believed (as I did) that if you followed the Lord wholeheartedly, He would protect you from evil and bad things. Bible verses such as Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favour and honour; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless” resonated with me (and I’m sure with Gail).
This is the deal that I have had for so many years and Gail had until her early 20s: if you have faith in God and walk with Him, everything will be good, He will bless you, protect you, be gracious to you and you will lead one very happy life. I have certainly declared to more than one person, that I will live to 90 and watch my grandchildren grow up. I will hold and pray over my great grandchildren. And then old and full of years, I will go to be with Jesus.
That’s God in my box.
Gail’s testimony shattered that illusion. When Gail was 25 she was happily pregnant. But at 38 weeks, she was given some heart-breaking news. The son she was carrying had a massive brain injury and if he survived after birth, he would be profoundly disabled, both mentally and physically. Gail and her husband Andy prayed fervently against this outcome. Matthew was born and it was as doctor’s had said. Matthew was going to need special needs throughout the life that God gave him.
Gail explained that she spent hours asking God why. While most of her friends rallied round her and supported her in this difficult time, others hinted at sin being a cause, or a generational curse.
This was absolutely not how it was supposed to be. God doesn’t work like this. As Gail asked ‘why’ and ‘why’ and ‘why’ the Lord would soon provide the answer in a well known Bible verse. Romans 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
In her mind and in her heart, Gail was challenged by the Holy Spirit as to whether she accepted this Bible verse as true.
In what she saw in Matthew at the time, she could find no good. God sees the heart. He sees your deepest thoughts. He saw Gail’s “no Lord, there can be good in this.” The Lord challenged her that if she was to disregard this Bible verse as not possible, then she may as well disregard her faith altogether. THAT, she could not do. It was a lightbulb moment in her life – a changing moment in her attitude – a reversal of direction in how she faced the future. And as the years have passed, and there have been 27 of them, she has seen God using Matthew’s inspirational life for good.
The Wingreen family are inspirational. Don’t ever believe that when bad things happen to you, God can’t bring good out of them. He does. Matthew helping Mom make his birthday cake…
Dad Andy’s comments on Matthew in their life…
In the eyes of the world, Matthew is one of those to be hidden out of sight.
In truth, he is one of God’s favourite people.
As the profound lesson from Gail’s testimony settled in my heart, it became a stepping stone to a deeper faith journey of life without fear.
I feel as if I am in a tug of war – trusting in God whole-heartedly, knowing that whatever comes my way, I need not fear because I am in His grip. But then the devil comes back at me with a barrage of negative ‘what ifs’.
I feel as if I am in an eggshell and I’m breaking out of it. I’m slowing seeing the light of true faith and trust. It doesn’t matter about the ‘what ifs.’ The worst can happen, BUT GOD can make good come out of it.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
And so back on the fear spectrum, I’m moving to the fearless side, but the only way there is to trust God more and let Him take your faith deeper. It’s a good place to be.
1 Peter 1:8
“Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy…”
Keep the smile going.
God bless you.
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂
4 Responses to Wanted: A Life Without Fear