There is one thing that Andy Stanley said yesterday about how he and his wife Sandra have raised their children that struck a chord with me. It’s such a great objective to have in mind if you have little children. Mine are now grown and independent. While I didn’t think about this while they were growing, I think this principle would have been an excellent one to have in the back of our minds while we were in the raising stage. Before I say what it is, here is part 5 of Future Family with Andy and Sandra on how they raised their three children.
Andy and Sandra Stanley – Our Way – A Way
They raised their family with 2 primary objectives. The second one they spoke of is the one that many Christian parents have in mind when bringing children into the world and raising them. We want our children to know God’s love for them and know He has a plan for their lives. I know that was a high priority for Mike and I.
But the other objective they spoke of I did not have in mind when my children were born. They set a long term goal – it was an objective they would not see for a couple of decades. Their goal was to one day have an enjoyable relationship with their adult children.
If I had that in mind when I raised my two, I may have done a few things differently. I’m not sure the outcome would have been any different. I’m very happy with the outcome. I feel the outcome is wonderful! I have a great relationship with my two adult children, but I think this is an excellent goal to have in mind for parents raising young children. It’s something to think about.
The other thing they drew my attention to which I have also not thought about is the 4 stages of raising children.
- Discipline are years 1 – 5
- Training are years 5 – 12
- Coaching are years 12 – 18
- Friendship is from 18 +
I think there is a bit of flexibility in these ages, but that’s the gist of it.
I love the terminology. Up to age 5, children don’t know better, so they need discipline to direct them – I remember when one of my children bit the other. The discipline was worthy of the crime and this child never did it again!
Training sounds like it’s developing great habits. Get them into the routine of doing the right thing.
Coaching is similar but more responsibility is given. Letting them fail and not bailing them out all the time. Working with them. Showing them how. Being an example.
And with all of the stages we as parents are role models. Let our children see us doing it.
I loved the message. While our parenting style was a bit hit and miss, by God’s grace, Stacey and David have turned out fantastically well. I think in my instance, not having a formula makes me very grateful to God for being the safety net to catch them when we have fallen and done a horrible job. Let God get the credit.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
These are the days.
Keep the smile going.
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂