When our 27 year old daughter, Stacey was about 12, she came home from school one day and told us that only 5 of the children in her class lived with parents who were still married. The remainder of the class of 30 were blended families or with single parents.
Since then the divorce rate has certainly not come down. If anything, it’s gone up. This whole generation of young people are now in adulthood and developing their own permanent relationships. Yet they have no close example to follow.
I came from a broken home, but throughout my teen years and into adulthood, I had a few wonderful friends who were amazing married role models. The couple with whom I had most contact was a dear couple Joe and Wyn Beale. I spent many hours at their home where I observed a long and happy marriage. Married for more than 50 years, they provided the example that I wanted to follow. In fact, “Aunty Wyn” became my main role model in life in general. Her attitude is always positive. An optimist through thick and thin, she led and loved her family with grace and dignity, in good times & bad, in times of plenty and in need. Now in her 90s, she lives in Sydney, Australia, still positive, still looking for opportunities to be of help and encouragement where she can. When I get to 90, I want to be just like her.
Mike too had a major role model outside of his family. Curly & Dianne Cuthbert had a huge influence on his life perspective. Mike once told me he would like to have married into the family, just to be part of it. I’m really pleased he didn’t! When we went to the Cuthbert’s 50th wedding anniversary they also displayed the very characteristics that we aim for. They were soul mates, remained interesting and interested in each other, still laughed together and enjoyed each other’s friendship. It’s worth sitting up and taking note of what has worked in their marriage.
It’s really important to learn from others. Make friends with people who have strong marriages, learn from them and put into practice those healthy techniques they display. Having friends or mentors to emulate is not the only way of learning from others.
From ccc.org
If you have hit a glitch in your married life and need help over a hump, one excellent way to achieve it is to find a mature happily married couple with whom you can chat. Ask them what they did in certain situations. If you are struggling with arguments or raising your children, ask them to suggest ideas that will help you in your situation. Often it helps just to have an outside perspective, to guide you back to being objective about certain issues.
Read about marriage. Make it your special focus and a life-long project. Marriage takes work and reading inspiring books keeps you motivated and energized for when trouble comes. One of the most inspiring books I’ve read recently comes from Dexter Yager and his book entitled: Dynamic People Skills. Our experience dovetails perfectly with what Mr. Yager writes.
He says we all need “Battle Training” and cites three primary sources for it.
1. From Warriors who know how to win. Listen to people who have made it to the place you want to be. They know how to do it. Let their advice guide you and give you wisdom as you deal with the same thing they did.
2. From Battle Reading. Do battle reading in your particular areas of weakness on a regular basis. Read your Bible and positive motivational books…Battle readiness is a mentality, an attitude – plus accurate information.
3. From personal experience. Get out there and practice what you’ve learnt from your mentors. (Pgs 92 – 93)
If this doesn’t help, you may need further more formal marital counselling. And don’t wait for the situation to escalate to one that is unbearable. If you spot some cracks in the cement, have them seen to as soon as possible.
Proverbs 13:20
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Keep the smile going.
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx