Navigating the curves and ins and outs of marriage can be as complex as finding your way in and out of London.
A good map book is always good to have, but have you not discovered that road trips so often end in arguments? Better still, get a Garmin or Tom-Tom or Sat-Nav or whichever navigational device you prefer. The voice behind the computer doesn’t get flustered or shout back!
Mike is a land-surveyor and thus he has a great sense of direction. Not so with me! I have to concentrate in order to retrace my steps. I need serious landmarks to get me going in the right direction and there have been many times I have ended up hopelessly lost. There have been several occasions that I have phoned Mike at the office from my car and given my position in order for him to get me out of where I was.
But that’s not only what I mean by “get a good map book”.
What I also mean is identify areas of your married life that cause conflict and find a solution to them before they cause any trouble.
If you argue a lot about which direction to take or who has got you lost, it would be a good idea to have a good map book, plus to sit down a while before departure time and work out the best way to get to the destination. This allows for confidence that both of you know where you are going.
We get ourselves into all sorts of trouble on this one. Often wives are behind accepting invitations and take down directions. It comes to leaving the house and the husband asks, “Do you know where we’re going?” “Yes,” is the answer. But when you start unpacking how to get there, the husband has all sorts of questions that sometimes can be quite tricky to answer. Wives often have directions like, “you go along that road that runs next to the river, pass the big tree on the right and then turn left. The house is on the corner of the next road.” I’m not sure about you, but this is certainly how I operate!
Husbands need “ travel east up 7th Street. Pass the big tree on the right. Turn left into Wattle Ave and the house is no. 22. It’s on the corner of Wattle & Pine Street.”
I have discovered that the best way around this problem, unless I have very clear instructions, is to leave the “getting there” to Mike. With Mike available I will call ahead and hand the phone to him. That at least gets me out of trouble.
Mike seldom gets lost, but on the occasion that we have been “mislaid” it is important that the wife (ie. ME!) stays quiet and hangs in there. Men need to know that you trust them and there is no better way than showing them you trust them than not criticizing them in the heat of the moment when he is unsure of where he is or where he’s going. It’s a tense moment that can turn into a full-blown argument in the blink of an eye. It’s one all married couples can identify and one that can be avoided if the right steps are taken.
When it comes to money squabbles, ensure you have a budget and both of you stick to it! When it comes to how to handle the children, sit down when they’re not around and formulate a plan as to how to discipline them, what they are and aren’t allowed to do and what education they are to have. When it comes to sex, talk about your expectations when it is not an issue. Who does the housework, such as laundry, dishes, cleaning etc should be discussed before they become a major bone of contention. Define roles & responsibilities ahead of time.
Often it’s not the big things that set off a daily squabble. It’s where to park, or a job left undone, or towels left on the floor. When these little frustrations come along, make sure you define their importance in the light of one year’s time. If they are not going to be important one year from now, don’t let them get to you. They’re really not worth the energy.
Of course the best place to get great directions for marriage and life is in the Bible.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.
Keep the smile going!
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂