It was Monday, early in August 1998. The day began no different to others that had gone before. Our normal morning routine unfolded with me taking the children to school. Today though would be a first for them. David who was 7 had been asking to go to “after care” at the end of school. His friends went and he wanted to see what it was like. Stacey, 10 was also going to go. So with that all arranged, I headed for the office looking forward to getting in a bit of extra work with the children tied up until 3-30pm. The call came at about 2pm. The hysterical voice of my neighbor abruptly interrupted my afternoon with the words “Helga, they’ve broken into your house”.
I sped home. As I did the flashing lights and wailing siren of a police car charged past me. How weird was that? We were on our way to the same address.
It turned into a traumatic day. A day of violation of privacy and possessions. Our home had been ransacked, thousands of rands worth of belongings stolen, clothes and other effects pulled out of cupboards and left strewn all over our bedroom. None the less, on a normal day we would have faced the danger of interrupting the robbery. Instead we were safe and for that I was always grateful.
That night, I fell asleep early but when Mike came to bed at midnight I woke up and was understandably restless. I got up, turned on my PC and logged onto the internet. I went into a chat site I visited about once a week. Almost immediately I started up a conversation with a gentleman who I’ll call Gary and told him about the events of the day. Naturally he was sympathetic and perhaps more than a little curious at the thought of chatting so easily with someone who was quite literally the other side of the world and several time zones away.
By the end of that conversation, almost to be polite and knowing I’d probably never hear from him again, we exchanged e-mail addresses.
That began an Internet liaison that was going to escalate into a real threat to my marriage. Oh initially it was just so fun. Emailing this person the other side of the globe, learning about their world, their life and their family. It was easy to share thoughts, similarities and differences, frustrations and successes. It became like consulting a psychologist for free, but in essence I was turning away from my husband and seeking emotional support from someone else and there- in lay the danger. At first, Mike knew about the correspondence but as it became more personal, I quietly dropped the subject and although I felt guilty, I just couldn’t extract myself from it.
But I knew it had to stop. I made a break of it, came clean with Mike and stayed away from online liaisons. I once heard Beth Moore say,
I learned the truth of that message and have since been very, very careful.
In order for your marriage to be happy it is essential to meet the physical and emotional needs of your partner. In my foray into online chat sites, I learned a lot about people. Gary aside, I chatted with many men whose biggest complaint in life was that they didn’t get enough sex. The women meanwhile wanted emotional support, love and affection and more than anything else, they want their husband’s time.
The anatomy of an affair makes for interesting reading. It doesn’t just happen. Generally you’ll find that the people involved have begun thinking about it a while before it actually takes place.
The next step is generally to allow the opportunity. This is what I refer to as leaving the door ajar. It means staying late at the office when you know you’re going to be alone with a woman. Leaving the TV on when a dubious X-rated movie comes on.
Chat sites, offices, after work get-togethers are all places where extra-marital relationships start. Be wary, very wary of turning away from your spouse to another member of the opposite sex, even on an emotional level. Don’t leave your emotional door open even a fraction. Believe me, once they have entered it’s hard to get them out. Make it a rule in your marriage to seek emotional support from one another.
Hebrews 13:4
Give honour to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.
By God’s grace, there go I.
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂