Making Marriage Work…

11am

When I look back to when Mike & I were married for 7 years, we were in the thick of it…there was so much to do. We had two children; Stacey was 6 and David was 3.

David 3, Stacey 6

We had a small house that was in the process of being renovated and enlarged. We were doing most of the work ourselves. On top of that, Mike was building his career. I was working part time. Everything was growing. All our parents were still alive. We needed to accommodate them when they visited. We were trying to live up to their expectations. Life was busy to the extreme. There was so much to do. We tried to give each other time, but with all the demands on us, when it came to our marriage, we were treading water. From time to time, we managed to launch ourselves out of the deep sea of life and scramble onto an amazing desert island for some ‘us’ time.  We’d leave the children with friends for the weekend and we would reconnect, relax, chill and

Valentine’s Day 1994

dream. It kept our marriage alive, intact and happy, while we grew ourselves, our children and our home. At that time, Mike was trying to play golf about once a month. But with the demands of the family and the renovations, he eventually gave it up. If I knew then what I know now, I would not only have encouraged him to continue playing, I would have insisted. When I see the great amount of enjoyment he gets out of it, it would have been a no-brainer. But 20 years ago, I was a different person. I didn’t really resent him playing once a month, but to improve his game, he had to play or practice more. Not only was it time consuming, but at that stage of our family life, it was expensive. So he gave it up. In the passing years, every now and again, an opportunity would arise for a round of golf. He would dust off his very old and dated clubs, go off and play very badly! Then last year, he decided to take it up again and true to his nature, he has gone at it hammer and tongs. My response has been nothing less than delightful enthusiasm and encouragement. This is a great ’empty nest’ project for us.

You see, our family is now grown. Stacey is 26 and David is 23. Our parents have passed away. We are no longer building and growing our family or our home. We, in fact, are looking to exactly the opposite…clearing out and scaling down. Golf has its perfect place in our lives now. For me it’s a great opportunity to get out and spend time with Mike. I LOVE spending time with him like this. I LOVE serving him as Caddie. I LOVE watching him succeed and being there to encourage him when it’s not such a great shot. I LOVE the exercise and the beauty of the outdoors. I LOVE meeting new people and seeing it as a ministry among people who don’t know my name or what I do Monday to Friday from 6am to 9am. In fact, no one new that we have played with have ever asked me what I do!

On the golf course, I am a bit of a spectacle. Yesterday, as we played in the local competition, the four ball consisted of Mike, plus two guys we’d played with before and a new chap, visiting Cape Town. I met him at the 1st tee. Mike was just behind me. I went up to him and, shaking his hand, introduced myself, “I’m Helga”, I said. I’m Mike’s wife and his caddy!” Twenty years ago, I would never have been able to do that. The idea of caddying for Mike would have been out of the question. I had no confidence and was completely intimidated by the whole idea of golf….the big aura of expense and grandeur that surrounds it. The rule book of etiquette frightened me. I was petrified of the people and the process. I felt out of depth. But with 20 years of maturing under my belt, today I understand they are just people…ordinary people who, like all of us, just want to be accepted & liked.

Oh, what a difference 20 years makes! Marriage is a process. In fact, even after 27 and a half years of marriage, we are still a work in progress…. it’s a happy work, but a work none the less. We are still learning how to make our marriage work. When things seem to be ‘falling apart’, we seek wisdom and solace in our relationship with God. He guides us and leads us back to each other through humility and forgiveness. It’s when we stray from our Christian walk that things are at their hardest. When we are both serving each other, it works best. And on this rainy autumn day….

…Mike served, by making eggs and bacon for breakfast…

 Galatians 5:13-14

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Love your husband as you love yourself. Love your wife as you love yourself!

A new mantra for marriage. I will love & serve my husband as I love & serve myself!

God bless you!

In His Grip,

Helga xx 🙂

Gratitude/Happiness Pic….last night we went out for dinner and I ordered (for the first time in my life) ONE KILOGRAMME of ribs…

YAY!!! for leftover ribs for lunch!