Justifying What I Said on Air the Other Day…

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I have had almost a week to ponder what I said (some say controversially) on air last Friday morning after Focus on the Family had aired. The programme was on couples living together before marriage and all the pitfalls thereof. During the show I had a call from a lady who actually had called the last time the programme was aired which was about a year ago. She explained that her son was still living with his girlfriend and it was causing her great distress. I started going through probably what I said to her in our last conversation. I reminded her that you cannot control people. That her son is now an adult and he has to own the decisions he makes and he has to live with the consequences. I also suggested that if she continually lectures him about his choices, it would only serve to estrange him from her. She is the only Mom he has. Is it worth it to live the rest of her life with resentment between the two of them. He resenting her for her lack of acceptance and her resenting him for going against her desires for him. I was not asking her to condone his behaviour, but rather to hate the sin but love the sinner. Surely, that is what we have been called to do. She said to me that after our last conversation a year ago, she had implemented what I had said then, and that things were better between them. If he asks for advice, give it. If he doesn’t don’t raise the subject with him, BUT raise the subject with God. Don’t stop praying. Pray for him to meet the right people who can advise him. I think, as parents, once we have raised our children to become adults, we have to let them go. I believe that we can advise them to do right, but I don’t think it is helpful for us to lecture them on an ongoing basis about any of their deviant behaviour. It will drive a wedge between parent and child.

I mentioned the above on air after Focus on the Family and perhaps I didn’t quite as fully as I have written it and as a result some people were horrified. One lady wrote: “Helga would you go and VISIT your child if he/she was living with her girlfriend/boyfriend?” Another called in and said that “God loved Jacob and He HATED Esau.” And he emphasized the HATED! I felt a bit sick! He was prepared to completely alienate his adult children if they were living a lifestyle of which he does not approve. We as parents are not perfect…

My comments are based on an adult child  who  is ‘outside of the church’. If he/she belongs to a church body and calls him/herself a Christian, then there are a set of rules set down in the Word of God as to how errant behaviour should be handled. The church should get involved. But when people don’t know God and are not following Him or what the Bible says, it will not be helpful to shove unwanted principles down their throats. It’s like different religions coming to persuade me to believe their book or follow their rules. I will rebel against it.  The only way to influence people outside the church is to err on the side of love. Pray for them. Love them. Communicate with them. Stand with them. You will find over and over again people who have been ‘the worst of sinners’  who have come to faith in Jesus Christ, not by people lecturing them, but rather by people loving and helping them. Being their friend. Not approving of their lifestyle but rather simply loving them as being people who God created & whom He loves. I think of Liz Curtis Higgs as an example. Even my own testimony – I was attracted to the Christians by the way they treated me, not by what they said to me.

So to the person who phoned in and told me how wrong I was and how my words had no basis in the Bible, I beg to differ. I would rather err on the side of love than be a hard task master threatening hell and damnation. Jesus came to die to save people from hell. I trust God enough to know that He will take care of the hard subjects like a Christless eternity if I fulfill the most important commandment.

Matthew 22:36-40

‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’Jesus replied: ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’

God bless you!

You are loved! <3

In His Grip,

Helga xx 🙂

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