2-13pm
Today I met with Lynn who recorded an account of her traumatic childhood. As she turned back the clock and reflected on events of years gone by, I too remembered the huge insecurities I had as a teenager. I was so insecure. I never believed I would really amount to much. I didn’t think anyone would want to marry me. I lacked confidence, had a puny self-esteem and self-image. And so now here I am 48 years old. 30 years have passed since I turned 18 and moved to Cape Town, alone, to a city where I had not a single family member. If I had to write a letter to my 18 year old younger self, this is what I would say:
Dearest sweet amazing 18 year old Helga
You have no idea of all the talent and ability God has given you. It is there, hidden under layers of uncertainty and insecurities, but it is there. And, in the not too distant future, it will start bubbling up. It is true, that people have been unkind, ungenerous and neglectful, but this will serve for you to not make the same mistakes with others. Be patient with yourself. There is some growing yet to be done. There are lessons to be learned that will not happen overnight. Mistakes will be made. You have been hurt. But never forget 17th July 1979. That day, that moment in time, when you came to faith in Christ. You gave your life to Him. He took over. That day will become more and more important as the years pass by, as you recognise just how vital to a happy life a relationship with Him is. You have that. That is the greatest gift you have ever received. He has you in His grip and He is never going to let you go. Keep giving Him your problems. You will not believe the life that God has for you… it is one of hope and happiness of joy and fulfillment. I know you feel you don’t have many friends now. You don’t feel all that accepted by others. You don’t feel all that clever or able, but you ‘ain’t seen nothing yet!’ You remain humble. Keep trusting God. Keep reading His Word and following His advice. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight. That Bible verse from Proverbs 3 holds far more truth that you will ever know at age 18. A time will come when you will be able to look back and say, ‘God has done far more for me than I could ever have asked or imagined’. Just keep on living for Him, day by day. Remain steadfast. Keep the faith. Be kind to yourself. Everything is going to be okay. And one other thing, Helga, you are pretty & you’re not fat! I know you don’t believe that, but it’s the truth! Keep smiling!”
I think as an 18 year old, if I had read this letter, I would have said, ‘wow’. It contains no mention of Mike or children or Rise & Shine. But it holds the hope of better times to come. The passing of time, brings with it perspective not possible when you are younger. It’s one of the blessings of getting older. When I think of Mike’s Mom, aka Granny. She is now 88. When I think of what has happened in her life over the last 40 years, she too has had a life rich in happiness and provision. If she could have looked ahead when she was my age and seen all the things that would come her way, I don’t think she would have been disappointed. There have been marriages and grandchildren and great grandchildren. There has been sadness and funerals, but there has been provision and kindness and fun and care and work and fulfillment.
Life is a great leveller. We need to focus on today. The present. Don’t wait for Friday. Enjoy Thursday!
I did! Spectacular sunrise…
Cape Town tourist boat going round the Waterfront…what a fine sight. It could be anywhere in the world! Beautiful…
1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.
God bless you loads!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂