The Biggest Fight Mike & I Ever Had…

11-50am

I’ve been on a marriage theme this week, so while I’m on a roll, let me tell you Mike & I are normal!

Most often, when a couple has a fat argument, time passes and you can never remember what it was about. The biggest fight Mike & I ever had, I remember well – I remember what the cause was and I remember what my response was. I also remember how it ended.  It was some time in 2001.  A long awaited amazing new device called a cell phone had arrived in SA and I had had one for about 4 years. (Believe it or not, I still have the same number!)  Stacey had her own cell phone but due to its newness and due to her age, we carefully monitored her use of it and where she took it. Mike said, unequivocally, she was not allowed to take it to school or to youth group.  Well, one Friday night, Mike went out to a meeting. Stacey needed a lift home from youth, but couldn’t give me a time. It would be so convenient for me to call her on her cell and let me know when I must collect her. So, without discussing it with Mike, I let her take the phone to youth!

Mike came home earlier than Stacey and this turned out to be a problem. One of his first questions was, ‘when is Stacey coming home?’ I replied I didn’t know and he of course wanted to know how we were going to know when to collect her. I cringed and told him I’d let her take the cell phone to youth. He was furious! We had a massive showdown – me saying it was for her safety. Him saying I should have at least let him know. It’s never good to fight at the end of  the day, let alone at the end of a long week. One of us went and picked Stacey up and she went off to bed.

But the argument was not yet over. It blew out of all proportion. I know it was about the cell phone and Mike’s role as the head of the home, but it was also about me needing to be in touch with Stacey and of course wanting to please her and allow her to take the phone. In the end, I did what I don’t advise anyone to do….. I stormed downstairs, got in my car and drove away! I was so cross. By now, it was about 11pm. As soon as I started driving, I knew I was in the wrong. I needed to cool down, so I drove to the beach. I didn’t take a cell phone or wallet with me. I began to worry that Mike would think I was ‘leaving him’ and I didn’t want him to think that. I got to the beach and found a R2 coin in my car ashtray. I called home from the tickey box. He answered. I didn’t engage him. I simply stated, “I’m going for a drive. I’ll be back later,” and I hung up.

Off I went, towards Simonstown. I drove and drove and drove. It was only when I was as far from home as I could possibly be, down at the entrance to Cape Point, when I noticed, I didn’t have much petrol left! I had no money, no cell phone and was running out of fuel. This was not good. There was nothing I could do, except slow down and try and get home. The idea of running out of petrol in the middle of the night on a dark and isolated road made the argument fade into insignificance. I was a nervous wreck.  Sometime between 11-30pm and midnight, I drove up my street, only to find my beloved husband waiting in the driveway for me to return. The fight forgotten, we fell into each others arms, appreciating the need we had for each other and apologising for our bad behaviour.

I learnt from that night: I should have had respect for Mike and at least phoned and asked his opinion. When he found out I’d let her take it, instead of going into combat mode, I should have acknowledged my complete disregard for his request. I should never have driven off.

I have matured since then and, although our arguments are few and far between, when we do have them, I stay and listen.  I also have  learnt that many times the arguments you are going to have as parents, are going to be over the children, with the Mom tending to side with them and the Dad tending to be more discipline-oriented.

Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

Switzerland – March 2011

As for today – a rainy day in Cape Town. After CCFm work, I nipped over to the Blue Route and bought long sleeved vests for Granny. Now I’m about to go to gym.

God bless you loads!

In His Grip,

Helga xx 🙂