19 Dangerous Behaviours

1. Saving topics of conversation for your “special friend.”
2. Sharing spousal difficulties with your friend (e.g., “My husband (or wife) never … “).
3. Allowing the friend to share their relationship difficulties with you (e.g., “My boy/girlfriend always … “).
4. Anticipating seeing this person more than your spouse.
5. Comparing the friend and your spouse (“If only my spouse was nicer to me like s/he is … “).
6. Providing “treats” (coffee, snacks, etc.) for your friend.
7. Being concerned for your friend’s welfare (“How did you sleep?”).
8. Fantasizing about marriage to your friend.
9. Spending more time alone with your friend than your spouse.
10. Not allowing your spouse full access to all your modes of communication, including e-mail, texts and phone messages.
11. Spending money on your friend without your spouse’s knowledge.
12. Arguing with your spouse over the relationship with the friend.
13. Lying to spend time with the friend.
14. Hiding interactions with the friend.
15. Jealousy develops on the part of your spouse (“He sure pays attention to you … “).
16. Developing rituals (e.g., any experience anticipated by both parties, like coffee together).
17. Experiencing a “shiver” when your friend shares feelings or touches you.
18. Allowing sexual content in your conversations with your friend.
19. Corporate dating (taking advantage of business trips to spend quality time together.)

Excerpted from the Focus on the Family broadcast “Friendship or Flirtation: Danger Signs for Couples” featuring the Rev. Dave Carder, author of Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage. Click here for more information about the broadcast.