8-20am
Someone wrote to me asking me how to put romance back into marriage. I wrote back and thought I would use it for today’s blog….
Marriage has so many seasons and for several of those, it’s trying to keep connected, keep the income coming in, keep the children growing and keep from going insane. You are doing life together and for most of the child-rearing years, it’s hard work. Romance during those years may be lacking. When our children were home, the way Mike & I used to re-inject a bit of romance was to do a date night/weekend. We would get someone to care for our children (we had NO FAMILY in Cape Town, so we had to pay for them to go to their day mother) and we would take off for the weekend, preferably where there were no distractions like TV sports, computers etc. We would walk on the beach, talk, braai together, eat out, read, sleep, rest and generally reconnect. When we got back to the rat race, we were more focused on the job we had to do – because we were more secure in knowing where we were with each other.
Even in those frenetic crazy days, Mike & I hugged a lot, we kissed in front of the kids, we danced in the dark, we held hands when we went out. All of those things add to the intimacy between a couple. It sends messages to one another that we love each other and we’re okay. I also believe romance oftentimes begins with service. It’s showing love in small unexpected ways. I once wrote, ‘ I love you’ in lipstick on my husbands car window. Do you know he left it there until it had worn off? It meant something to him! Surprising him with breakfast in bed one Saturday morning. Giving him a day off for ‘time for him’. Pitching up at his office with a special packed lunch. Texting him in the middle of the day – saying you’re thinking about him and all he does for the family – and saying thank you. That warms the heart – yours and his and adds a bit more to the building blocks of romance. The children grow up and leave home and then, suddenly, and it is an amazingly sudden, “suddenly”, there’s only the two of you again. There is less responsibility and there is a great deal of lightness that comes with that.
I think marriage and particularly child-rearing has to be strategic. Have a plan for keeping it all together. Be a team. Work together. Support one another. Encourage one another. Pray for each other. Talk about the heady days of your courtship and engagement. Remind yourself of why you fell in love in the first place.
Accept that there won’t be romance 24/7, but you can keep the fire lit and burning on low all through your marriage. From time to time, spark a bonfire and it will keep the warmth between you burning for a long time!
Not so long ago, we were waiting for someone to arrive late one evening. We were standing on the road outside our house – it was about 11pm. Spontaneously, I said, ‘let’s dance’ and we waltzed around in the middle of the road…it wasn’t planned and it wasn’t for longer than a few minutes, but the sense of warmth and fun and feeling of living has remained with me…
From Ecclesiastes 3 come the words,
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;”
Enjoy whatever season you are in!
God bless you loads!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂