It was to be a family outing. We headed off to the new ice rink and looked forward to an afternoon of fun and laughter.
Mike & I hadn’t done any ice-skating for years. The children aged about 13 and 10 were keen to try out a new activity.
Mike is a sporty kind of guy and in years gone by he had been quite good at ice skating. That Sunday afternoon as we look to the ice, it was with some interest as to how we would manage after so many years. In no time, Mike was whizzing confidently round the rink, while I wobbled my way uncertainly along, grabbing onto the side wall as I went. After a while I found my ice legs and managed to go a few unbalanced meters without heading back to the security of the wall. By now, Mike was really in his element. Whizzing up and down, doing a few spins, really showing his ice skating prowess. The children were impressed, as they tried to get the knack of it. Before long, with ankles aching, I decided to head for the comfort of the benches.
Keeping an eye out on my family, I was looking out for the children when Mike hit the deck. He was doing a full double pirouette on one leg…well not really…he was going backwards when he lost his balance and fell heavily on to the ice. The next thing I knew he was hobbling towards me, holding his right arm, with a pained expression on his face. As he plonked himself down in front of me, he said “I think I’ve broken my arm. I heard a crack.” And with that he said, “I don’t feel too good”. One look at him told me he was in shock. I got him to lie down and rushed off to rally round the children. I then pulled off Mike’s ice skates, got his and my shoes and got the children to do the same.
Picture from zululandobserver.co.za
We left the rink and headed for the hospital. Mike was by now feeling a little better, although his arm was sore and swollen. I wasn’t sure if there was a break but he kept telling me that he heard a crack and he was right. The X-ray proved a clear break over his right wrist and they went about setting it in a fibreglass cast.
I was quite proud of myself. I was sympathetic and took control. I did everything a good wife should, but the cast had to stay on for 6 weeks and it was early days. It was during this time that my wifely skills began to lack good old compassion. His concern about a niggly itch beneath the cast became tiresome. I began to almost ignore his complaints and resorted to “I’m sure it’s nothing” on a regular basis. One Sunday morning, Mike could tolerate it no longer. He got up, got in his car and drove himself (without his loving wife) to hospital. “Take this cast off” was his stern order to the doctor. “My arm feels it’s on fire”. With Mike not taking no for an answer the doctor did as he was told. On the cast coming off, the doctor’s reaction was “Whoa, this does not look good!”. Mike had a severe dermatitis beneath the cast. Perhaps it was something to do with the fibreglass, but it looked terrible and felt even worse. Poor Mike. Poor Poor Mike. I felt TERRIBLE. He returned with a Plaster of Paris cast on after being treated with extensive cortisone based cream. He quickly forgave me but I always felt bad at not taking him more seriously.
Somehow through the journey of marriage there must be a balance when one partner becomes ill.
During the course of our almost 30 years of marriage, both of us have had a few medical issues. I have had to face the fact that with Mike being 13 years and 8 months older than me, it is quite possible that I will be left a widow. I think the two most concerning bouts of ill health was Mike’s week of bladder cancer (we caught a tiny malignant bladder polyp very early and it was taken out and no further treatment was needed); and his depression in 2004. I wrote about that here.
God is faithful. When ill health comes, He is with you. There are no surprises with Him. He will have a purpose in your pain.
Over the years I have discovered a few rules for coping with ill health in the family:
- Listen carefully and sincerely to the complaint of the other.
- Take control. If their health is compromised, you need to make a plan, like taking them to the doctor or hospital.
- Be their greatest ally when it comes to dealing with the medical profession. If your spouse does not get what he/she needs, speak out. Ask questions over and over again. He who talks the loudest gets the greatest response. Let them think you are bossy and outspoken. We’re dealing with your greatest asset here – your life partner. They need to be looked after and if you don’t speak for them when they can’t, who will?
- Seek a 2nd opinion if necessary. Don’t worry if you upset the doctor. Remain persistent but be polite.
- Be supportive and reassuring.
- Remain positive.
- Be patient with your partner. Remember that probably one day your health will be compromised and you too with need support.
- If you get an itch under a plaster cast, don’t ignore it!
Psalm 18:29
With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.
Keep the smile going.
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂