Treat your spouse in a way that enhances his/her self esteem.
Dr. Phil McGraw once said this on his TV show. I was struck by it, not because I had never thought of it before, but rather because it epitomizes exactly how Mike treats me. He treats me in a manner than enhances my self-esteem. When we married, I had a low very insignificant self-esteem. I didn’t feel accepted by too many people. My dad accepted me and I knew God made me so He accepted me but I didn’t feel accepted by anyone else. When I met Mike, I instantly was attracted to him, but almost felt that it was too good to be true that someone absolutely fantastic would be interested in me. He has spent the last 3 decades building my self-esteem to such an extent that I am now 10 x more confident than I was as a young 21 year old. It’s a simple change to make, and when you do, your marriage will improve immediately. And it applies both ways, husbands enhance a wife’s self-esteem and vice versa.
If you are a real beginner in this department and have no idea where to start in the area of building self –esteem, it’s very easy.
Start with a daily compliment. Take notice of what your spouse wears, their likes and dislikes. If they complain about a physical flaw, tell them they are perfect just the way they are. Point out their biggest strengths. Compliment meals (I love it when Mike says grace and says “Thank you Lord for my wonderful wife and thank you too for this meal!”) If you are going out for dinner, say “Wow! You look good.” Compliment them in front of friends and family. Be proud to be with your partner. Mike has this way of looking at me that still gives me a warm fuzzy feeling after all these years…it’s an admiring look that says: “Look what I’ve got! She’s all mine”. He looks like a cat that’s just got the cream. Now how can I not feel good about myself?
The basis of treating your spouse in a way that enhances their self-esteem is one that goes back to the Biblical standard set down by God for husbands and wives. The biggest thing husbands can do for their wife’s self-esteem is love them unconditionally. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her….in the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” So says Paul in the New Testament book of Ephesians chapter 5 vss 25-28. Clear instructions right there and very enhancing to her self-esteem.
Women need their self-esteem enhanced. If Mike’s told me once, he’s told me a thousand times how good I look. Isn’t that awesome? Unconditional acceptance, unreserved admiration, ongoing encouragement from husbands, and guys reading this, you will see before your very eyes the woman in your life blossom like a rose. Tell them you love them, but don’t only tell them, show them. My life is filled with Mike’s little acts of love. How? He tucks me in at night. He makes the best coffee I’ve ever tasted. When I call him at work, he’s always delighted to hear from me. When I’ve made a mistake that has cost us in one way or the other, he has been patient with me beyond my wildest dreams. He supports all my endeavors, successful or not. He tells me first when something good or bad has happened. I’m important to him and I know it.
Ladies, in return, men need undivided respect from the women in their lives. The Biblical standard of men being the head of the home means that you must respect the leadership that God has placed in your husband. The modern wife of our generation is self-sufficient, confident, capable of running the home, child rearing and running multi-million dollar organisations. Nothing is beyond her achievement. Yet, the Bible clearly states the role of leader in the home goes to that of the husband. Not an easy pill for a top achiever, high corporate manageress to swallow. No wonder Paul writes several times “wives submit to your husbands”. It’s just so easy for us to take over! But that’s not the way God has ordained it. For you to achieve happiness in marriage, the deal has to be that of the way the Creator of marriage has set it out. Men love their wives, women respect the leadership of your husband. In fact in Ephesians 5:33 Paul wraps it up very concisely by saying,
“Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”.
If a husband loves his wife like he loves himself, surely a wife will certainly want to respect and submit to his leadership. Men don’t like bossy women. The wife has to respect the position of leadership God has given to your husband in the home.
Loving and respecting – two huge Biblical attributes guaranteed to enhance your spouse’s self-esteem.
Treating your spouse in a way that will enhance their self-esteem is like making them into your special project. A special project gets top priority – it gets plenty of attention and a lot of hard work goes into it. If both partners treat each other as a special project can you imagine how a marriage will change?
When you put your partner on special project status, they get specialised treatment. They are pampered on a regular basis, they are helped out if they are struggling with any problems, they are loved unconditionally all the time and you go the extra mile to meet their needs.
Many of the ways outlined in this Making Marriage Work series are aimed at making your marriage happier and all form part of making your spouse a special project. Your loved one is a top priority in your life and he/she takes precedence to all other relationships apart from the one that you have with God.
I remember on one particular occasion, Mike was under an enormous amount of stress. He produces a weekly technology radio show and as the production day approached, it was just becoming another huge stressor in an already overloaded week. Mike is my special project. I took the initiative and asked him if he would like me to sort out the technology programme in its entirety. He need do absolutely nothing for it. I’d remove that burden from his plate. He said YES! And so I did. That’s what I’m there for. He is my priority. His well-being is my chief concern. He is my special project.
And it works both ways. I enjoy the same top priority in Mike’s life as he does in mine.
If you want a happier marriage, make your spouse a special project. It’s guaranteed to enhance their self-esteem.
Keep the smile going!
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂
(From santabanta.com)