We still call it the tantrum spoon. It’s a large slotted serving spoon with half a yellow handle. The fact that it is only half a yellow handle bears testimony to the fact that late one sunny afternoon I really lost the plot. My son had come home from school without his brand new school tracksuit top. Lost when only one day old. I was furious! What annoyed me even more was that he just wasn’t responding in an apologetic way. Not wanting to hit him, I jumped up and down yelling at him and to drive my point home (as if I hadn’t already), I threw the large slotted serving spoon (which I happened to have in my hand at the time) onto the floor. It broke. I have always regretted that little domestic episode and keep the spoon as a regular reminder to how NOT to behave.
When my children were at primary school, the school drummed into their heads the “Bee” principles. All over the school they had pictures of bees with essential deeds printed on them. Wherever they went the children were reminded to be happy or be polite or be respectful. They were good rules to set down as a standard behavior and everyone would go a long way if they maintained them not only into adulthood but also into married life! I’ve got seven marriage BEES of my own.
BE AGREEABLE – ie. Stop complaining!
It is so easy to descend into an abyss of moans and groans. When the pressure’s on, husbands and wives go to great lengths explaining and dwelling on how much work they’re doing and how difficult life is. Yes, we all know it can be tough, but stop moaning about it and get on with it!
BE FRIENDLY.
To be friendly all the time is a learned art. Seldom are people happy and friendly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It takes effort and energy to put on a smile and to be friendly. But it’s worth the effort. The difference between coming home to a spouse who is smiling and genuinely is pleased to see you and coming home to a grumpy, scowling partner is like chalk and cheese. There are no prizes for guessing who you would rather meet on the doorstep of your home.
BE RELAXED.
Taking things easy, not sweating over trivial stuff, seeing the bigger picture and slowing down the pace of life are all ways to become a nicer person to be around. No one wants to be around people who are like tense wound up springs about to be released. They don’t want to walk on eggshells in the place they call home. This is supposed to be a soft place to land for each member of the family. Tension and stress make it the last place the family wants to come home to. I remember when I first started reading Radio News. I would get into such a state if I was running just a few seconds late. My stomach would churn and I would feel physically ill. Then one day I read a suggestion about dealing with stress. Someone suggested I put my name on an imaginary tombstone and write under it the cause of death as being what was causing my stress. It suddenly became a bit silly seeing “Here lies Helga, who died because the news was 15 seconds late!” To be quite honest, nobody cares, certainly not the listening audience. From then on, I did my best, but if I was a little late, nobody had died and I wasn’t going to lose sleep over it.
BE PATIENT
Start by being patient with yourself. Remind yourself that things are not always going to turn out your way. The day may turn out badly, but if it does, it’s not the end of the world. If you make a conscious effort to be patient with yourself, you’ll find it easier to be patient with others.
BE POSITIVE.
Married life is not going to be a bed of roses. When things go awry, reassure yourself that time will pass and things will get better. Look on the bright side of life and remind yourself that this is a temporary phase that will pass. Then do everything in your power to improve the situation. Each day try and do something positive that will enhance your marriage. Remind yourself of all that you love about your spouse and go out of your way to please him/her. This is not a competition. Neither is it 50/50. Each of you have to give 100%.
BE NEAT AND TIDY
Nobody likes to live with a slob. Take care of your appearance and your hygiene. You don’t need to dress to the nines 24 hours a day, but at least look reasonable when you are going out together. Be someone your spouse can be proud to be with.
BE APPRECIATIVE.
If you want to be a nice person to live with, you need to express your gratitude for what your spouse does for you. In each of our roles, we contribute assets to the marriage. These are in the form of physical care, emotional support, spiritual leadership, moral support and financial provision. Encourage your spouse by thanking them on a regular basis for what they do for you. And do the thanking in front of the children. Appreciation is so important, I’ve got a lot more to say on it.
There’s another.
Ephesians 2:4
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Keep the smile going.
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂
