Men and women enter marriage at different stages of personal growth and it is important for each to grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually without being hindered by the other.
This was never so valid as in my marriage to Mike. As I’ve mentioned before, I was 21 when I walked down the aisle. Mike was already 35. When I had prayed for my husband as a young teenager, apart from his age (which I didn’t stipulate!) Mike filled all the criteria I had prayed about. I wanted someone who is intelligent, a quiet strong leader with a close relationship with God and a good sense of humour. I wouldn’t turn good looks away either. That was basically the list of my requirements for a husband. After 29 years of marriage, I can say that Mike remains all of that and oh so much more.
When we married, I was young and naive. Mike was mature and had some life experience. I had left school, completed a diploma in nursing and midwifery and married Mike. I wallowed in the maturity of my husband. Everything Mike said went. I believed every word he said and he could do no wrong! And so our first year of marriage passed. But as our life together progressed, with the arrival of our first born and with an increase in maturity, the glow of my husband’s perfection began to fade a little. I realized I had a mind & will of my own!
And it was at this time that Mike’s strength of character really stood out. Whether it was a conscious decision or it simply just came naturally, I’m not quite sure, but Mike never held me back. He encouraged my every endeavour. From making cushions for sale at flea markets (I know it’s hard to believe!); to being an unsuccessful Tupperware agent; to successfully completing a (fully paid by Mike) degree; to selling first aid products; to be an advertising executive and finally to being the Morning Drive Show Host on radio, he has been there by my side. I know that at times he’s thought the strange ventures I tackled were a little crazy and probably would not succeed, but he has never voiced any negative opinion he may have had.
What an example!
Mike has without a doubt, had to allow me to mature personally far more than I have had to allow him. He too has launched into some ventures that have been both time consuming and at times burdensome, yet I like to think that I have encouraged him in his endeavours and been beside him all the way. I was after all, his labourer when he broke down a wall in the kitchen. I carried wheelbarrow loads of bricks outside, endured TONNES of dust, learnt very quickly what an angle grinder is and lived in a half built bedroom for more than a year. It was a wonderful experience. We had no cupboards and had all our clothes hung on a pole across the corner of the room. I would wake up and say “what can I wear today?” Priceless memories that I will always cherish. Aside from the inconvenience of doing the building work ourselves, we saved a lot of money and avoided the scourge of increasing our mortgage.
Marriage is a partnership and we need to nurture each other. It’s not a competition, it’s a life-long collaboration during which we are both winners. If you are struggling with a spouse who just seems to clash all the time with you, who seems to just not do things your way, keep reminding yourself that there’s only one person in this relationship who you can control and that’s NOT your partner. Perhaps it’s time you did things their way for a change.
Allowing each other to grow means:
- Being patient.
- Unconditional love.
- Ongoing support and encouragement.
- No criticism.
- Being a soft place to land.
- Advising when asked.
- Acceptance in the face of failure.
- Picking up the pieces when things don’t work out.
- Never saying “I told you so.”
- Being your spouse’s biggest fan.
Galatians 6:2
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.
Keep the smile going and the fire glowing!
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂