11-23am
The way Mike & I work when it comes to wedding anniversaries is that one year he plans events and the next year I do.
This year was Mike’s turn. We’ve just come back from Zanzibar and so we decided not to go away. I had NO idea what to get him. I know what he would have liked, but it wasn’t available and I found out about it too late. So just before the weekend, we had a frank conversation that went something like this, Me: “You don’t get me anything and I won’t get you. ” ” Fine!” he said.
We are very different, Mike & I….if he buys me nothing for our anniversary, I will take offence. If I buy him nothing for our anniversary, he won’t be offended!!! Remember offence is ‘ taken’ . If you feel someone has offended you, in order for it to affect you, you have to ‘take’ offence. You can choose not to. I realised, that I had offered this deal – no gifts – so I had to lower my expectations. This is SUCH a female thing to do….make a fixed arrangement and then be disappointed when it comes to pass! Ladies, I know you get it. Guys ,close your mouth and stop shaking your head!
Friday evening, I knew he had something up his sleeve. He was just planning on doing nothing. No work, relaxing, watching TV, chatting. Hmmm, very unlike Mike. I was suspicious. I suggested a walk on the beach and he agreed, so off we went. It was beautiful…
Not a breath of wind and the rock pools looking idyllic…
We stopped by the store on the way home and I chose a bunch of yellow roses. They so remind me of my Mom-in-law (aka Granny). Her husband had often bought her yellow roses for their anniversaries and it was a lovely way to remember them both and to celebrate our own….
So Saturday morning, we wake up and Mike makes me coffee in bed and then presents me with a package…ha ha ha….I buy him….
…..and he buys me….
That was funny!
But what came next left me speechless. My netbook on which I do all my computer work turns 5 in November. It’s passed its sell-by date. It’s been a fabulous little tool and I love it, but the screen is cracked, the battery shot and it’s somewhat unreliable. It has the ability to go, “pfft” and turn off….which is really, REALLY bad when I’m in the middle of typing. Mike presented me with a bigger package….and inside is a replacement for my netbook. Bigger screen, thinner and lighter it is a gem of a mini-laptop that will see me comfortably through for another 5 years! Old and new…
Wow! I was blown away! I was a bit mortified about the lack of effort I had gone to! Yet he just was so happy that I liked it. He doesn’t want me to buy him something that he doesn’t want. What he does want is permission to buy himself something that he can decide upon in his own time and with his own planning and extensive decision-making. I lapped up the surprise. Mike doesn’t like surprises. I love them. This works for us!
I guess the lessons learned from this anniversary are 3 main ones:
1. Even after 28 years, we are still learning about each other.
2. We need to allow the other to be who they are – if I had bought Mike a great big gift with a hefty price tag – even the biggest thing that he ever wanted – he would have got greater enjoyment out of being able to choose it himself. He thinks about it, investigates it, reads reviews about it, anticipates it, reconsiders it, tries it out, walks away from it, comes back to it, prays about it, asks permission for it and finally buys it.
3. Lower your expectations. This is actually really important. We just can’t be all that the other is expecting us to be. We will fail and disappoint. Initially, I was anticipating an exciting day with a planned outing and some event or reservation being made. Fortunately, Mike said to me that it was going to be a chilled day off – where we were going to completely rest and do nothing – and I believed him! I lowered my expectations entirely, so I would not be disappointed.
And with all those gifts, I wasn’t!
It was a lovely anniversary and one to remember.
Next year’s my turn to plan. Woman’s Day will be on a Sunday, so Monday will be a holiday! It will be a long weekend and we will go away. I better tell Mike now, so he can get used to the idea!
And so this is the FIRST blog written on my new netbook.
This morning, I read Psalm 31:6/7
I trust in the Lord. I will be glad and rejoice in Your love.
Everything we have comes from God.
EVERYthing.
Keep the smile going.
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂
Gratitude Pic….dinner last night in Kalk Bay….our selfie to remember the moment…
