This morning, I was reading an online article about people whose relationships had ended. They spoke of the clues they experienced which should have been red flags that trouble was brewing. The things they mentioned were like being afraid of your husband, or being in a relationship with someone who never says sorry, or constant bickering and not seeing eye to eye. Those kind of things. I remember being married for 10 years and being amazed that we had been married for a decade. Imagine how amazed I am now that the years have just flitted by and we have been together for 3 decades.
Mike married later than he would have liked. He was 35 when we married. He had a lot of time to be independent and pretty set in his ways. He had a lot to give up, but in marrying, he also had a lot to gain!
This morning as we chatted, he stated the one thing you have to lose when you get married (or even if you are in a relationship) is independence.
You have to give it up. You no longer only have yourself to think about. You need to constantly be bearing in mind that there is someone else in your world.
You have to take care of them! They are going to need love and attention. Sometimes they will give you non-verbal cues that mean something more than they can express in words. You have to think of them before you make any arrangements. You have to consider their likes and dislikes, their preferences, their needs.
We are all so different and in order to get on with one another, our own carefree independence has to be compromised.
The thing about relationships and marriage in particular is that for it to succeed both partners need to be thinking of the other all the time. While we often are faced with a decision and consider how it will affect us and our schedule, we need to immediately consider how this will affect our boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. When both parties are constantly looking out for the other, you get a pretty good win-win situation. You know you have a fan in them. You know they want the best for you. You know they are watching your back, taking care of you, thinking of you, being your biggest fan.
Oh marriage works so well when you are a team and you are the other’s cheerleader, best friend, main ally, go-to person, confidante. It feels good to be loved like this. But to get this love you have to give it. That’s the arrangement.
Ephesians 5:21 sums it up perfectly,
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
These are the days!
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂