Freedom!

1-45pm

It’s been a process adjusting to life as a work- from- home wife and freelancer. My time is now so flexible compared to the rigidity of clock-watching required in the world of radio. Time waits for no man! In my radio life, a life that I loved so much, time ruled my world. I was always aware of the time…throughout my waking hours, I always knew where I was in the course of time. While on air, the time frame was more acute. Seconds counted…”you’ve got 10 seconds,” I would say, as the frazzled newsreader bolted into the studio. Ten seconds to compose yourself before the world hears what you have to say! That’s stress. Hindsight is 20/20 and as I peer over my shoulder at my life in those days, this is the little picture I see…

There I was, in a cage, on a wheel, treading, walking, pacing, moving, focused, ALL the time. My calm exterior belied internal busy-ness that was unbeknownst to me was both exhausting and stressful. Now that I’m no longer there,  I’ve regularly thought back and seen the Rise and Shine show as my massive elephant-like companion – it accompanied me everywhere I went. 24 hours a day, it was there, beside me, sometimes pushing out other thoughts, demanding ongoing attention; crying ‘feed me’ multiple times a day! It regularly squashed itself between Mike & I on the couch, in the bed, at the dinner table. Relentlessly, I carried this  giant around. Although heavy and cumbersome, I loved it. Sometimes, it was like an enthusiastic puppy, bounding ahead with me attached by a rope and hanging on for dear life…laughing as I went amazed at its energy. Other times, I dragged it, with its heels dug in , I tugged and pulled and pleaded and sweating profusely, I heaved it uphill. I loved it, but I carried a lot of the load on my own. The only way I did it was through the grace of God. I couldn’t. He did.  It was the best of times; it was the hardest of times. As I got to the end of my season, I was petrified of getting off the hamster wheel for ever. I had climbed off it for periods of time, but this would be permanently. How would I cope?

Now that 3 1/2 months have passed, I have a pretty good idea of how I coped! I jumped off that hamster wheel and hung around the cage a bit. Eventually, I edged towards the door of the cage and gingerly pushed it open. It’s in recent weeks, that I have thrown it right back, leaped joyously from the entrance and cried FREEDOM!!

On the day, I handed in my resignation, I was bewildered. I was confused and stunned at what I had done. I felt this was how God was leading me, but I didn’t know for sure. Probably, one of the phrases I used hundreds of times during this season is “it’s time.”  I just felt, it was time to lay down my headphones. In hindsight, I can clearly see that it was time. That endless clock had to stop ticking – my Rise and Shine clock stopped!

It’s been a process getting to where I am today. After 10 years of taking care of Rise and Shine, freedom was never going to happen overnight. Sometimes, you have to be very patient with yourself and let the process take its course. I’m blessed that it’s only taken 3 months.

And I’m just so grateful that I survived letting it go. It was a leap of faith to leave. Now it’s a leap of joy that I was obedient.

I loved working at CCFm. I loved presenting Rise and Shine but there is a season for everything and, almost unexpectedly, my season ended at the end of May.

Ecclesiastes 3: