A Message for Husbands

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My parents married in 1956 and probably were happy for at least 14 or 15 years. But then plagued by financial issues and the cost of rearing four growing children, things began to deteriorate.

(Photo from Montvillecounseling.com)

When a marriage goes sour, it’s often difficult to point a finger at one partner only. Both husband and wife have to own up to the part they played in the disintegration of their marriage. Several years later, by the time I was 12, my Mom had had enough. She left home, leaving my Dad to take care of my brother and I, as the older two had already moved out. It was easy for everyone to look in horror at my Mom and say, ‘how could she?’ My Dad gained a lot of sympathy when he told people his wife had walked out on him. The fact that there was another man involved added to the supposition that my Mom was wholly to blame and my Dad was justifiably the injured party. It was not his fault. It was all her fault. But was it really?

I remember one incident as if it was yesterday. My Mom had come home to pick up a few things and tried to speak to me. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want confrontation or to face the truth. I ran outside to where we had a swimming pool. My Mom came after me. She tried to catch up with me, but I just kept walking away from her around the pool. Eventually, she looked across the pool at me and said words that I have recalled over and over again. She said, “One day you’ll understand.” If I didn’t say it, I certainly thought, “I will NEVER understand.” And so the years began of me waiting to understand. I became an adult and got married. I didn’t understand. I had my children and began to raise them. I still didn’t understand. As they entered their teens I absolutely didn’t understand. Now I was an adult woman in my late 30s and I could never imagine how a Mom could leave her children. But then I got into my 40s and something happened. Suddenly, I understood!

My Mom was 44 when she left my Dad. She had stayed many years, but at 44 she’d had enough. Something happens in your 40s that makes you say, “I don’t want to do this any more” and you are determined enough to go through with it. That’s what my Mom did. Up until my 40s I really didn’t get it. Maybe up until Menopause, a woman can cope. The children are younger and you are more focussed on doing what needs to be done. But when a wife’s hormones start changing, husbands beware! I cannot recall my Dad affirming my Mom, encouraging her, thanking her, boosting her ego, buying her flowers, building her up, complimenting her or appreciating her. My Mom was starved emotionally. She tried to divorce my Dad on the grounds of emotional abuse, but was not successful.

Guys, if you find your wife is ‘suddenly changing’ watch out! You need to treat her like a princess. You need to be buying her flowers, treating her to special dates, finding out her love language and how you can please her. You need to show her some appreciation, affirm her every single day. Let her hear you telling others what a great cook she is, how well she looks after you, how much you love her. You cannot thank you enough. Thank her for cooking, for ironing, for the washing, for being such a good Mom. Forget, for one moment, about your needs and start pouring gratitude into your wife’s life. Tell her you love her. Tell her you are so glad she said yes to marrying you. Offer to cook for her one evening. Support her in her ventures. Pray for her and with her. You have a treasure. Don’t neglect her!

Proverbs 18:22

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.

There is the old saying, ‘behind every successful man is a woman.’ Let me tell you,  behind every happy wife is an affirming husband and the converse is true. Behind every unhappy wife is a non-affirming husband who could be emotionally starving his wife. We are like flowers. If you want us to blossom, we need to be pampered, watered and nutured. And I can promise you, that when we blossom, you will be on the receiving end of an enormous amount of love and attention. It’s never too late to make a change. Start today! Aim at saying something positive and affirming to your wife every single day. You will begin to see a change in her.

God bless you as you do!

In His Grip,

Helga xx 🙂

Gratitude Pic….here is my affirming husband….thank you Jesus for Mike… from whom I have learned how husbands should be….