I wrote this a couple of years ago and today while I was thinking about what to do for today’s blog, I found it….it’s worth round two…don’t you think? I don’t think anything has changed!
Blog For Wives…What husbands need – 26 of them! Ha! And ladies, you thought there was only 1!
Before I begin, let me first say that no human being can fully meet the needs of another. While there is sin on the earth, we generally are self-seeking beings who put ourselves first! We tend to be selfish and not sacrificial. We expect others to meet our needs instead of striving to meet theirs. So although wives will do well to take note of this list, men need to know that to find fulfillment in life is going to come only when we fill the God-shaped hole each of us has (both men and women) . Only then will be truly happy and find contentment we are looking for.
Let me do this in alphabetical order:
1.ACCEPTANCE – Of who they are and although marriage changes all of us – husbands don’t like to be told to change to become this and that. Husbands want unconditional acceptance. They don’t want to be manipulated into the people you think they should be. There is only one person you are able to change in the marriage and that’s you!
2. APPRECIATION! – Men need to be thanked. Show appreciation by saying thank you and showing thank you.
3. BELIEF IN YOUR HUSBAND– many guys face critical wives who moan or groan and criticise all the time. Affirm your husband whenever you honestly can and don’t break them down.
4. BE THERE! When general life happens, BE THERE. Stress is a huge thing in men’s lives. They feel the pressure of having to provide for the family.
5. CARE – Ladies! You know you love to be cared for, but men love to be spoilt too. Make him your special project. Be abundant with love and care for him. Also take care to be a home-maker – keeping the house in order and caring for the family.
6. COMMITMENT – Husbands need to hear that you are in this for the long run. Let him know that he is important to you and that you are committed to the marriage.
7. DIVORCE – Husbands need to hear that divorce is not an option.
8. EMOTIONAL NEEDS – Men have emotional needs too. Be sensitive to their personality type. They may be stoic and not want to express their needs or divulge their true feelings about issues they are struggling with. There is no mountain too big that you cannot climb together. If they struggle emotionally, they may need extra help. Support them in finding it.
9. ENCOURAGEMENT – When they are down….men don’t want to be told ‘pull yourself together.’ Rather encouragement them to keep going – that everything will be okay and that you will always be there to support them. Ask them if there is anything you can do for them to help them through this tough time.
10. FRIENDS – Husbands want you as a lover and as a best friend. But he may be really social and want to keep up with his social circle. How this all works out needs to be negotiated. Give him the freedom to socialise, going along with him and befriending his friend’s wives or supporting him at a sports game etc. Having things in common is important in marriage. It’s easy to get distracted with our own interests and friends. Find something in common with your husband and work on it together.
11. INTEGRITY – Ladies, you need to be women of integrity. You must be reliable and responsible.
12. JESUS CHRIST– Christian husbands want their wives to have a personal relationship with Christ. Ladies, many of you are really hung up on men taking the spiritual lead in your homes… husbands also want spiritual support and input. Support his role as the spiritual head of the home but don’t expect him to be the sole spiritual provider in the household. Work together on this.
13. KINDNESS – Small acts of kindness; kind words, understanding after a hard day, patience & generosity.
14. LOVE – Unconditional, ongoing, never-ending, Biblical, warm, generous, affectionate love. Men need to know they are loved.
15. LEADERSHIP – Ladies! Let your husband lead! Men generally don’t like bossy women. BACK OFF!
16. LISTEN – Ladies, men want you to hear them! They want your full attention. They don’t want to compete with the TV, your cell phone, Facebook or the children. Stop what you are doing and give them your full attention! Try and be home, (off the phone) and available to listen when they come in from the office. Make them a priority.
17. LOYALTY & SUPPORT – Men need support. They need to know that you are there for them. They need to know that you will do all that it takes to make life easier for them. You are their help-meet. You are their biggest fan. Be loyal to them. Don’t criticize them in public. Don’t complain about them to your friends. If you are struggling with an issue, go to one trusted person and not your whole circle of friends or Facebook list!
18. MONEY – Men generally are the providers. If you are earning more than he is, be very sensitive to that. Don’t go spending endlessly without his knowledge. Discuss often, your needs and his. Communicate about the finances of your home, so you both remain on the same page. Most men don’t want their wives to be materialistic with an excess emphasis on fame and fortune.
19. NON-SEXUAL PHYSICAL TOUCH – Men generally don’t need this as much as women, but when they are sick or struggling, it helps!
20. RESPECT – This is huge in a man’s life. Your husband needs your respect. A wife who rarely does what the husband lovingly asks should seek to respect her husbands wishes (not necessarily his dictatorial demands)
21. SACRIFICE – Sacrifice is needed in marriage with both husbands and wives. Be prepared to sacrifice some of your desires to meet the needs of your spouse.
22. SENSE OF FUN- Ladies, did you know that your husband wants someone with whom he can have fun? Don’t be a “stick in the mud” – it may be time to get out of your comfort zone …go and have a round of golf with him! Ha! Imagine that?! If you don’t play golf, be his caddy.
23. SEX – Ladies, here is something you need to know: your husband needs sex! It is an anatomical, physiological requirement. He’s wired for it. Without sex, a man is going to be really unhappy to live with. Satisfied, you will have a far more contented husband. Rule number one when it comes to sex – be available. Don’t deny him. Don’t use sex to manipulate him. Don’t give it to him as a favour or bribe him with it. Make every effort to please him and enjoy it with him. Even if you are not interested on a particular day, go out of your way to give him this pleasure. Sex is such an interesting part of marriage. With it, men are happy. Without it, a dark cloud can hang over your relationship, leading to a major rift. Be sexy! Have fun!
24. THOUGHTFULNESS – Men love to be remembered. They may not need all the nuturing and pampering that you feel you need, but they too like to know that you are thinking about them. Don’t harrass them at work, by phoning 5 times a day, but do drop them a text message or leave a special chocolate on their pillow.
25. TIME – Men need your time. Try schedule time with all your friends at a time that does not inconvenience your husband. Wives you need to make time for your husband to just be with him. He’s your priority.
26. TRUST – Husbands need your trust. They need to know that you are faithful to them. Don’t dress provocatively, trying to catch the eye of other men. Don’t try and make your husband jealous. You are now a grown up. Act like one. Be the mature role model you want your daughter to emulate. Also, don’t constantly check up on him or nag him (even if you feels he deserves it). Ladies, husbands need to be able to trust you. If they tell you something in confidence, keep it that way.
(With thanks to my wonderful husband Mike, as well as contributions from Pastor Barry Isaacs and Pastor John Thomas)
God bless your marriage & remember Ephesians 4:2 which says
“Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient bearing with one another in love.”
Keep the smile going!
In His Grip,
Helga x 