“It’s okay to cry,” I thought as a stray tear or two rolled down my cheeks this morning. It’s been 8 years. 8 years since my older brother Arnold died. It was a dreadful day.
It is not my nature or personality to feel melancholy and if I am, it won’t be for long. Be sad, get over it. Be happy. Life goes on. God has not called us to a life of misery and regret. He wants us to be happy. So today, as I pondered the events of 8 years ago, I was heart-sore for a time. Sunday 9th September 2007 was the hardest day of my life. I don’t really want to reflect upon the difficulties of the day or the months that had preceded it.
There are consequences to our actions. Arnold died as a result of his lifestyle, but that does not make his premature passing any easier to handle. Oh how we wish it had been different. But then I am reminded, it is not about now. It is not about planet earth in the 21st century. It is about eternity. That is where the real action is. That is what we look forward to. Arnold is already there. He has arrived at the real deal. He awaits our arrival. He is with my Mom and Dad and others who have arrived before him. He is not gone. He is just not here.
Arnold was loveable. Friend to all, generous, loving, caring and helpful. I remember him sitting in the bay window of my kitchen, with is shirt off and his big broad shoulders so huggable. I remember us laughing at something – probably an inside family joke with which no one else would identify. It seems us siblings share the same sense of humour. Even today, with my brother Julian often visiting Cape Town, we laugh at things that others may not find quite so amusing. We see the humour in irony and laugh out loud at the ridiculous. I’ve seen it in my sister, Anne as well. We laugh at the same things. And so, here we are 8 years after Arnold unexpectedly left the humour of this world and entered one of which we know so little. We all miss him. “It’s okay to cry,” I think, as a few stray tears fill my eyes. This is emotional pain that lessens as the years drift by, but comes to the fore as the longing for a shirtless hug wells up within me.
From the poem “Death is nothing at all” by Canon Henry Scott-Holland
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still
Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in the easy way you always used
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we always enjoyed together
I often think, “we are living the life they wanted.” The life Arnold would have loved; the life my Mom & Dad would have relished. We are living a happy life. Let us be happy for them. They are there, where God has taken them – where there is no pain and suffering. We are here, where God has put us. This morning as Mike & I appreciated the beauty of the morning and went for a walk on Fish Hoek beach,I was aware that we do what they would have loved to do. We live our lives with them in mind. “They would have loved this.” We get to do it.
Deuteronomy 29:29 is a good verse to know about…
“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.”
Horrible things happen in life. But those are not for us to ponder. Those things are the secret things that belong to the Lord. We continue in obedience, knowing that God has got it all under control. He is sovereign. We are in His grip. We are safe.
God bless you loads!
Helga xx 🙂