Respect is a major cornerstone of marriage. This is a biggie! This is one to implement immediately, if not sooner. If your marriage is heading south and you need emergency treatment, read on!
If you want respect, you must be respectful.
Pic from pitchero.com
Funnily enough, although this is a straight forward, simple way to improve your marriage, it’s amazing how little it’s done. We greet the newspaperman, the shopkeeper, the librarian, we’re well mannered to the maid, the tea girl, our colleagues, and the toll road operator and yet so often we treat people outside of our marriage with more respect than our spouses.
Treating one another in a respectful manner is central to a happy marriage. God’s design for how we should treat others is clearly spelt out. (Ephesians 4: 29, 31 & 32)
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every from of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.
If a married couple make this the blueprint for how to behave with each other, they will be putting down a solid foundation of respect.
So why is showing respect so important?
One of the questions Shaunti Feldhahn asks men in her research, if they had to choose would they choose a lack of love or a lack of respect. Most men chose the lack of love in preference to a lack of respect. Women on the other hand were more content to sacrifice respect ahead of being loved. That’s an essential difference between men and women. On a Focus on the Family radio presentation, when asked the one thing that men require most from a marriage, Shaunti cited respect as what men wanted.
Another interesting point to make is that respect is more than just a polite attitude or being “nice” to one another. The Concise English Dictionary describes the action of giving respect as: “ to esteem, to regard with deference (honor); to treat with consideration, to spare from insult, injury, interference.”
The other day Mike told me that aside from the gift of salvation, I am God’s greatest gift to him. To be so loved, to be so cherished, to be so respected leaves me glowing with self-worth and appreciation. Those words of his, mentioned in passing are etched on my mind.
Some time ago, road markings on one of the major streets in my area changed. They made one of the lanes a “left-turn” only lane and it forced you to turn left right after a traffic light. In order to inform drivers, the roads department put up a sign about half a kilometre before the intersection saying the road markings had changed. It indicated the need to be
aware that if you were driving in the left lane you were not going to be able to go straight after the traffic light. At that time I was travelling this road sometimes 3 times a day. I knew it well, so I would move over to the right lane about 2 km before the intersection. When Mike was driving, he would stay in the left lane until the very last minute, sometimes only changing lanes 100m before the intersection. When he was driving and I was in the car, for more than a kilometre, in my mind, I was putting on the indicator; I was beginning to turn the steering wheel and when he left it very late I would be leaning over to try and get to the right lane! So many times, it was on the tip of my tongue to say “when are you going to change lanes?” At the end of the day when I examine my frustration, I figured it’s not important. It is certainly not worth questioning his judgement on a matter so trivial. I trust my husband and therefore in this regard, I will respect the fact that he knows he has to change lanes and allow him to do it in his own time. It’s hard sometimes to keep my mouth shut, but it’s worth it! And we’ve never had a problem. In the end he’s always changed lanes!
Photo from Montvillecounseling.com
If you are guilty of verbally abusing your spouse, stop and ask yourself for a moment if you would tolerate an angry neighbour treating your partner in the same way. Most people would say no. Then stop doing it yourself. Make a conscious decision today to not say another negative or degrading comment to your spouse. Treat them as your most prized possession, so they too can wallow in the pleasure of your love.
And one last thing, don’t expect respect if you’re not giving it.
I RESPECT MY SPOUSE WHEN…
- I don’t shout at him/her.
- I show kindness and care.
- I am not rude or obnoxious.
- I compliment him/her.
- I never call names or criticize.
- I meet his/her needs.
- I love unconditionally.
- I appreciate my partner for what they do for me.
Keep the smile (and respect) going!
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂