11-19am
Today we decided to go to the Methodist Church, Granny’s home church, just to honour her. She was not able to go for more than a year, but the folk there have always been kind and caring and thoughtful of her. And the celebration of her life is being held there on Tuesday. David is on the youth leadership, so he would be there but not in the service. Stacey and Adrian joined Mike & I. It was poignant in remembering the many times Granny had sat in those pews and after she broke her hip, I spent many Sunday’s sitting next to her.
Today has been a strange day because apart from the Methodist Church service, we all went out for breakfast afterwards, something I don’t think we have EVER done on a Sunday. And now, there is no trip into Cape Town to visit Granny, which has been part of my Sunday routine for many weeks, even months. Again, there is a bitter sweet moment. Bitter because Granny is no more. Sweet because there is relief at her happy arrival in heaven. Today, for the first time since her passing, I felt as if a load I had been carrying was beginning to slip from my shoulders. A lightness of being. I don’t need to worry about her any more. Just look at how beautiful she was…this is Granny as a young woman…
She always had the most amazing blue eyes!
Mike has gone to hit some golf balls. I am chilling. Today is truly a day of rest. Amazing! After the stress of the week, and having ticked a number of things off the to-do list, I’m feeling remarkably relaxed. No one does relaxation better than Truffles the cat…
I have been reading 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
‘Be joyful always‘ is a loaded phrase. How does one do that? I’ve had this conversation with folk on several occasions (Trish comes to mind!). Where does authenticity come in? Can you ‘be joyful’ when you are not feeling joyful? When you are not feeling joyful, is it honest to ‘play joyful?’ I remember Trish asking me if I wear a mask. My response was “I become the mask!” Huh!? How does that work? Dr Phil once said you ‘behave your way to success’. Others have rather pointedly said, ‘fake it til you make it.’ Am I hiding behind a mask when I get up joyful on the outside and weeping on the inside? Oh oh! I am so like every other human being who walks the earth. I have bad days too. I have days that I get to the end of and think to myself, ‘strike that one off the calendar’, but I have to admit they are few and far between…. in recent years, maybe one a year. I think on the days when I have woken up feeling low – struggling with self-doubt and insecurity – on those days, I CLING. (Psalm 63:8 – My soul clings to God, His right hand upholds me.) And that’s what I imagine. Me clinging. God upholding. Just that visual makes me feel better. I am not alone. I can doubt myself all I want. I can feel as insecure as a human being can feel, but that’s where God steps in – my self-doubt is good. I must doubt myself. I can’t do this life, but God can. My insecurity is not bad – it turns me to Jesus and makes me secure in Him. If I feel people have expectations of me, I know for sure, I can’t meet them! I can’t be all things to all people. Not everyone will like me, like my voice, like my choice of music. I don’t expect them to. But God can be all things to all people. And so I become the mask. The joy & confidence that bubbles out of my mouth, comes from a heart, filled not with self doubt or insecurity, but it comes from a heart, newly refreshed by the inpouring of the Holy Spirit – I have met with Him. He has filled me. He has strengthened me. How can I not be joyful? That’s the only way I know to be joyful always!
God bless you today!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 😀
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