Well known author and businessman Dexter Yager says one primary reason people fail in relationships is because they think too much about themselves.
Many years ago, Stacey, David and I were on a day out during the school holidays and were sitting in a steak ranch really enjoying ribs all round. With Mike being at work, I was feeling sorry that he wasn’t able to join us so I started planning a “doggy bag” to take home for him. As I put some of my ribs aside “for Dad”, Stacey piped up with: “That’s another chapter for your book – Meeting each other’s needs”. She’s absolutely right!
Although focusing on the needs of the other begins when you meet, I’ll never forget how Mike met my needs while we were on honeymoon. We planned a 2-week honeymoon. Being a land-surveyor by profession, Mike was a great hiker. He adventured up mountains and down valleys, sometimes on one day hikes, other times overnight and at other times much longer excursions. I had never done an overnight hike, but I was game to do one. Mike was quite sensible. He reckoned that if he booked the hike, he ran the risk of never hearing the end of it! If I wanted to do an overnight hike as part of our honeymoon, I had to book it, so book it I did.
We ended up going on a 4 night hike along the wonderful Otter Trail. One of the most popular hikes in South Africa, “the Otter” runs along the Southern Cape Coastline and is highly recommended. The fact that you in effect climb the equivalent of Table Mountain a few times a day fades into insignificance when you see the view.
Mike & I crossing the Bloukrans nearly 29 years ago
Nights are spent at well-equipped cottages at wonderfully appointed spots, mostly right on the coast.
Otter Trail Chalet
The washing facilities at the time were the only hitch! No bathrooms and toilets were primitive to say the least and it was to this end that Mike really met my needs! It seemed that ahead of us was a very healthy bunch of hikers and each day as we arrived at the next stop, Mike’s first stop was at the toilet and make sure it was clean! Often it wasn’t and cleaning it was not a pleasant task. It was a labour of love to say the least and I have always appreciated him for it.
Meeting each other’s needs is not a “honeymoon only” event. In marriage this starts in the days of courtship & ends on the deathbed. If you are intent on seeing your marriage last a long and happy lifetime, every single day has to be a “needs meeting day”, especially when your marriage is going through a rough patch. How you react to your partner’s needs is going to either enhance your marriage or worsen it. What is interesting about this is that this is not up to your spouse. How you react is entirely up to you. You need to stop looking at how your needs aren’t being met and start looking at how you can meet your partner’s needs. It’s a decision that you make. A choice you decide upon that will result in his/her happiness. Just think about what happens when both of you are doing this. You’re both working toward making each other happy, meeting each other’s needs, focusing on one another.
Here’s another practical way I met Mike’s need one Friday evening. I’ve mentioned before that Mike loves order. I can live with a little clutter. One Friday evening, I decided to give him a real surprise. I spring-cleaned our bedroom. When he came home, he knew I would be out as I had a prior engagement. He came up the stairs to our bedroom and nearly walked down again to see if he had come to the right house!
He talked about that little surprise for weeks to come. It really met his need and I was delighted with the response. Clearly it’s his love language. I need to do more of that!
Find out what are the needs, wants, desires, preferences of your spouse today and work on meeting those needs. You’ll be so glad you did.
Philippians 2:3-4
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Keep the smile going!
God bless you!
In His Grip,
Helga xx 🙂